So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
tell me about the fingering
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