Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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