I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
