I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
