On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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