just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
