I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize