it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
