Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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