these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
