i think my tv is drunk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
