Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
