I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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