I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
