if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
