I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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