so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
