Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
