Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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