i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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