I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
