butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
