i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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