I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
