she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
