Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
