I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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