just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
