um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
