I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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