If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
