So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
