So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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