Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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