Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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