my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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