it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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