Farmville is her only friend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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