Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
