I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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