I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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