Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
