Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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