I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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