I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
