he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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