hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
