you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
