we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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