Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You've changed since you got that strap on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize