So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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