he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
