____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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