Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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