The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
