So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
