god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
