just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
