I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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