I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
