My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
