no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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