I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize