i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
