Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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