Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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