I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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