i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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