I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
