mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
