I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Congratulations! We have a period
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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