theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
