you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
