Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
