are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
