I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
