Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
