he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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