nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
