I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we're so committed to being not committed
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