i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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