how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize