No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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