After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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