Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
