I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
