Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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